…and one time I got a phone number

My friend I went to happy hour this past Friday.  A man, around about his early 40’s walked up and sat next to us at the bar.  I heard him slam his credit card down on the bar and then throw his car keys down.  I turned around and said to him

I feel like you’re trying to get our attention

He kinda laughed it off, I turned back and continued the conversation with my friend.  By the looks of the guy, his erratic movements and mumblings – I was thinking he was handicapped or drunk as shit OR quite possibly a combination of the two……and it was only 6PM.

This man then dramatically grabs his car keys so we would look at him and says 

Tiger Woods drives a Cadillac

My friend and I look at each other and try to contain our laughter, just in case he really is handicapped, because that would be rude to laugh at him…..right?

He says something to me that sounds something like

You should put my number in your phone

I give him a blank stare and think to myself – how about hell no.

Long story short…he writes his info on a napkin.  Now my friends, I share this with you:

2014-01-12 14 29 27


You’re Welcome.

…and one time I re-read an old post

Why the fuck can I never stick to my guns?

Case in point – my Thought O’ the Day from March 2009

Love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones that don’t and/or LET THEM THE FUCK GO!!. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands – if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

Words to live by……

…and one time I was single again

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I’m destined to die alone with 20 cats surrounding me……and I don’t even like cats.  They stink.


So, about two years ago (coincidentally when I disappeared from the bloggy blog) I met a man boy.  We began a whirlwind of a relationship with him moving into my house after approximately 1 month, 3 weeks and 2 days.

I know – rush much?

I was just so happy to find someone who I thought was sexy and didn’t get on my nerves.  I compromised myself, my boundaries and my needs because I believed that this was what I deserved.  Come to find out, I actually have some deep rooted issues that stem from my childhood……as did he.  How about commitment and emotional issues for starters. 

Ok, I’m cured.

Not that easy.  I have a long road ahead of me, and I’m running out of “cute” years. 


For realz.

…and one time My Father was banned from the colllege campus

My mother and father live right behind a community college in San Diego.  This morning I read an email from my mother, sent last night, that says:

Your father just got banned from <the college> campus.  Long story…Tell me when I can call you at home.  I can only talk to you when he’s not home…..Mom

What in the world???

My mom is supposed to call me and fill me in. I can’t wait.

…and one time I stopped every man in the building from pooping in the bathroom by my Desk

This has actually happened on more than one occasion, but for the purposes of my blogs (new) naming convention, it was one time.

Recently at work, I had been forced to relocate from my quaint office with a window to this:

Ok, not really.

I have been summoned to sit with the big wigs in what we affectionately refer to ’round these parts as the ‘fish bowl’.  It’s not cubicle city, but its a very open area with directors, managers and the like roaming about freely.  Makes me feel like this:

Anyway, my new desk is right next to one of the men’s restrooms. From what I’ve heard from my coworker that used to site here, that spot would get blown the fuck up…and by blown the fuck up, I mean grown men pooping to their hearts desire, usually right after lunch.

So let me set the scene, I sit back in a corner where it would normally be safe to come let bowels loose. The lights are always very dim so it would be easy to assume that nobody was at my desk. Also, I have a double monitor set up and although I am not short, I sit pretty low. Essentially, it’s hard to tell if I’m here until you get right up to the bathroom door.

Co worker walks back and finally sees that I am here.  He acts like he was trying to read a sign next to my desk that has been  there for a good week.  He immediatly does a 180 and walks toward another restroom that is not so private but will do.  Second coworker walks up and sees me, then does a 180, but doubles back to have a quick conversation with me.  He walks away and heads straight for the other restroom.

Everybody poops.  I don’t care.  I will certainly laugh, because there is something inherently funny about farts but I won’t judge.

…and one time It was looking alot like Christmas

Another year is coming to an end. 

I can say that this year has been one of the better years I’ve had in a long time.  Drama free.

I’m really inspired to do something, to give back.  I have been very fortunate in my life.  Granted, I’ve worked hard for it all – but still fortunate.  I know we will be donating some of boy childs clothes and toys to those that don’t have much, but I feel like doing something beyond that.  The Holiday Spirit has got me by my big toe.



…and one time I got Annoyed

I don’t like to talk about politics much, mainly because I don’t know everything there is to know.  I’ve learned that keeping my mouth shut makes me look smart.  To caveat that, keeping my mouth shut all the time, has gotten me walked all over.  There’s something like a balance between the two.  In other words, know enough to speak your mind and keep your mouth shut when you don’t know shit.  It wastes oxygen. 

People like to send chain emails, chain texts, status updates with COMPLETELY inaccurate information.  This really annoys me.  Whatever happened to validating information.  Hasn’t anyone heard of snopes?  Well the same people who send out and post this crap need to get with Google and Snopes.  Problem solved.  A little research has never killed anyone.  Conversely alot of dumb crap has caused a commotion on many occasions. 

Case in point, last month there were a few circulations of “military retirement is NOT an entitlement”.  This stands out in my head because the dumb fuck who started this is a…..dumb fuck.

The definition of entitlement is a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract.  I served in the military so I am all for anything that helps our troops.  HOW is being entitled to retirement a bad thing?  Seriously, we all sign a contract when we join that outlines the facts.  We retire, we get retirement.  We are entitled.  Simple. 

And then there’s the one about congress getting full retirement after one term.  It’s false too. 

Get it right before trying to spread the word, otherwise shut the fuck up.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.