Outlaw Mother
Outlaw – A rebel; a nonconformist
Every morning I drive through the little round about at my sons school to drop him off. I slow to a comfortable 5mph and yell at him to tuck and roll.
I keed.
Every morning there is some jack ass mom (and occasionally a dad) that stops smack dab in the middle of the road…as if their kid is the Last Emperor and we all have to watch the procession as the little nose picker exits the car and strolls into the school. Wouldn’t you know jack ass has to have an entire conversation with Puyi whilst 50 cars pile up behind them waiting to drop off their rugrats.
When I see this, I say to myself
Fuck all this bullshit dude, Mommy has to get to work
So I do what any NORMAL person with half a brain would do. I drive my ass up past all the cars since they’re sitting there like they have no idea what to do. I find a spot, squeeze in, kick my son out of the car and I’m in and out in 4 minutes.
BOOYA.
Filed under: I'm a mother in my spare time | 3 Comments
BK’s birthday was Sunday. In honor of the Birthday tradition we’ve established, the girls got together for a night out.
First was dinner. BK’s choice was The Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake Factory = Crowded. Of course we didn’t feel like waiting. In the vicinity was Bravo (an Italian restaurant I’ve never been too), Sonoma….and Ruth’s Chris. We go into Bravo sit and order drinks. Mind you, our favorite restaurant of ALL time is 20 feet away and nobody says anything. What the fuck BK? Why didn’t you choose Ruth’s Chris? I keed. As luck would have it, Esq.’s other half chimed up about Ruth’s Chris. We ordered and finished a round of drinks from Bravo and scurried next door.
Ruth’s Chris is like home. Our favorite waiter of all time, the best steak ever and BK’s favorite drink = Victoria’s Secret martini.
Next was the traditional trek to one of the Hoodest (is that a word) clubs in Hampton Roads. Don’t get me wrong, I like hood – I mean, I grew up in the hood. Yeah Chula Vista, California – STRAIGHT HOOD…..WHAT! West Sooooide.
Ok, that was gay.
Bottom line, the music is bad ass at Blakeley’s and I had a good time. In the traditional fashion, we posted up at a table on the 2nd floor and got some drinks. A few guys came by and socialized with us. About an hour or so into the night, this guy comes by and starts chatting it up with me. Apparently I’m not as good at paying attention to detail as I thought I was. In between the club lighting and loud music, I failed to notice the DOLLA DOLLA BILL shirt.
BK was kind enough to send me this reminder
It was something like this except button up, black and white and American Money…hideous
I bet she googled “DOLLA DOLLA shirt”
I digress.
Happy Birthday Cougar and Thanks for the DOLLA DOLLA reminder.
Filed under: BK is a cougar, you don't really need a reason to drink a rum and diet coke | 7 Comments
Is Chivalry Dead?
Thanks to BK for provoking my thought with her FB update.
On the subject of holding doors:
I’ve never been with a particularly chivalrous man. I’m not accustomed to chivalry. I like it, it’s sweet and I’d love to be with a man who had those values instilled in him, however, he better not get pissed when I do shit for myself. I don’t stand at the car door nor an entrance/exit of an establishment waiting for the man I’m with to scurry up and open it. I honestly don’t care. I’ve been scorned by my friends (female of course) for not caring, but I really don’t.
I can open my own damn door (in most situations).
My problem is I HATE waiting. I do most shit for myself because otherwise it will NEVER get done.
As a caveat to that though, I am teaching the boy child to hold doors open. It’s a different story when a random man sees a woman coming and blatantly lets the door shut….and vice versa. I hold doors ALL the damn time. I don’t let them slam in people’s faces. Kudos to my boy child for doing so without me saying anything. He did it once for a couple old ladies at a restaurant. They made it a point to thank me for raising such a gentleman. Its unheard of, and that’s pretty sad. Of course, that was one of his good days. Most times he’s out of control…….I keed, kind of.
Hold the fucking door open if I’m right behind you or obviously struggling with my hands full. It’s polite.
Filed under: let the door shut on me and I might karate chop you, to chivalry or not to chivalry | Leave a Comment
…am I Guilty Tuesday
Browsing through my daily reads, Little Woman posted a couple blog games and although I have not been tagged I shall once again copy, paste, and change some words to make it my own.
First game is this:
RULE 1 - You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2 - You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3 - Copy and paste this into your blog, delete mine and type in your answers and tag your friends to answer this.
Asked someone to marry you? Innocent.
Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent.
Ever told a lie? Guilty.
Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.
Kissed a picture? Guilty.
Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty.
Fallen asleep at work/school? GUILTY.
Held a snake? Innocent.
Been suspended from school? Innocent.
Worked at a fast food restaurant? Guilty.
Stolen from a store? Guilty.
Been fired from a job? Guilty.
Done something you regret? Guilty.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent.
Kissed in the rain? Innocent.
Sat on a roof top? Guilty.
Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.
Sang in the shower? Guilty.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent.
Shaved your head? Innocent.
Had a boxing membership? Innocent.
Made a girlfriend cry? Innocent.
Been in a band? Guilty.
Shot a gun? Guilty.
Donated Blood? Innocent.
Eaten alligator meat? Guilty.
Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.
Still love someone you shouldn’t? Innocent.
Have/had a tattoo? Guilty.
Liked someone, but will never tell who? Innocent.
Been too honest? Innocent.
Ruined a surprise? Guilty.
Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty.
Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.
Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Guilty.
Joined a pageant? Innocent.
Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.
Had communication with an ex? Guilty.
Got totally drunk on the night before an exam? Guilty.
Got so angry that you cried? Guilty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Game 2 – a little Google Image game, so here goes:
1. Your Favorite Beverage:
(mixed with bacardi of course)
2. Your Hometown:
3. Favorite Show:
4. Your Occupation/ What Your In School For:
Network Security (in school for AND occupation)
5. Your First Car:
We once fit 8 people in that bad boy!
6. Favorite Dish:
ANYTHNG from Ruths Chris. Their steak = Heaven
7. Celebrity You’ve Been Told You Resemble:
8. Celebrity On Your “To Do” List:
9. Your Favorite Childhood Toy:
10. Random Picture
Filed under: useless tidbits about me that you will waste 5 minutes of your life reading | 8 Comments
Fill in the blanks…..MONDAY
This is where I take someone elses blog post, switch it up a little and make it my own.
- If I was on a first date with someone and he ordered a fruity drink in a pineapple cup, I would probably end the date early (because my friends would make fun of me otherwise).
- When I’m sick I really want someone to keep my boy child entertained so I can curl up on the couch and watch food network.
- I know that some people really love smoking cigarettes; but I don’t understand how they spend so much money on it.
- I know that some people think I’m crazy for spending so much money on computers and electronics; but I really love it.
- I’m so glad that I’ve out grown my unibrow – ok not outgrown, but plucked away - since high school.
- I am living proof that the stereotype about all Asians being smart and super geeky isn’t always accurate…..oh wait, I’m a genius
- I know that it is a made-up word; but BOOSTAKATED is a permanent part of my vocabulary.
- I can’t wait for the premier of V, the original was my indoctrination to the world of SciFi
- The most common misconception about me is that I’m stuck up. NEVER, I’m just shy
- I wish I wouldn’t pick off my acrylic nails but sometimes I just can’t stop myself.
- If I never heard the word (or phrase) bling bling again, it would still be too soon.
- I have a hidden talent for popping bubblegum more than 20 times consecutively that no one would ever expect of me.
- I am not a fan of extraordinary rendition; but if it were to take place for crimes against children , then The Lopez Family (This is pretty disturbing, watch at your own risk) should be the first on the plane to Guantanamo.
Filed under: useless tidbits about me that you will waste 5 minutes of your life reading | 3 Comments
This morning at work I recieve an email:
Body of the email:
Someone threw a pink Victoria’s Secret bag that was in the main fridge away this morning. If you did it or know who is responsible, please contact XXXXXX. There was an item in the bag that has to remain refrigerated. Your cooperation in this matter is much appreciated.
For some reason, this just tickles me……pink (get it?). This was a PSA for all residents of my building. I had to laugh about it. The email comes off as secretive. What the hell was in the bag? Body parts? Maybe the owner lost a finger and it HAD to stay refrigerated until after work so a doctor would have a viable phalange to reattach.
Whatever the secret perishable item was – it has to be long gone.
Around lunchtime I go into the break room to find this:
I look inside the bag and see this:
3 yogurts and coffe grinds. Owner of said item pulled the bag out of the trash, used grinds and all…to, I assume, make the following point:
“Don’t fuck with my perishables. You will be caught!”
My deduction = Someone is an idiot. A reward should have been offered.
Filed under: help me find my missing perishable, victorias secret bags are great | 4 Comments
I often think about what I would do if I had a power. Inspired by the new season of Heroes, I have compiled my list of wanted powers and have included the associated pros et contra .
Self Healing
pros: never sick. wouldn’t have to give a damn about the Obama administration health care reform. never get drunk.
contra: never get drunk. no excuse for calling in sick.
Mind Reading
pros: knowing exactly what everyone thought. potentially understanding the inner-workings of the male mind (food, sex, sports – really?)
contra: knowing exactly what everyone thought.
X-ray vision
pros: seeing through clothes. knowing how big ‘the package’ is.
contra: seeing through everyones clothes. potentially seeing things that I would never ask to see. some people look better with clothes on.
Flight
pros: 100% savings on plane tickets. avoiding traffic.
contra: nose bleeds
Shape Shifting
pros: being anyone in the world. being anything in the world.
contra: running into an ‘original’ person as that person
Invisibility
pros: sneaking into places. seeing people do weird shit.
contra: not able to check yourself out in mirrors/reflections.
Filed under: Everyone wants a superpower | 3 Comments
Just for fun. This is classic.
Not for the easily offended.
GET ME A CHICKEN SAMMICH…..AND SOME WAFFLE FRIES
Filed under: Uncategorized | 4 Comments
Everyone who knows me knows this:
I don’t buy skirts and it takes a miracle special occasion for me to wear a dress.
Not in the habit of wearing leg baring items. Today though, I am wearing a skirt. Don’t mind the fact that it’s the only skirt, amongst a closet of work slacks, I own right now. Wait, did hell freeze over?
According to the weather man, no reports of ice down there.
I digress.
Today I am rocking a NY&Co pencil skirt. What the fuck? I feel so nude. I must go tan. I also have, on order, 2 more really cute pencil skirts with matching vest things. I think I love them.
Skirts-3
Pants-14
Filed under: Im wearing a skirt did hell freeze over | 4 Comments
I’m so tired of this shit. Nobody ever ends up together. What the fuck is the point?
Can we have some reality TV that actually has a REAL ending that follows the program title? Spare me.
It should be written into the contract that the winner MUST get married within 6 months of being chosen otherwise they don’t get crapola for money.
Coals for your stocking Cocktail!!
Oh dont cry, I’m sure you got a couple great modeling gigs from the show…..BUT DAMMIT that’s not the point!!!
I am banning all further reality TV “for the love of” shows and anything resembling that of a “for the love of” show if Tali and Luke don’t get married. Furthermore, I will be livid if either one comes back with another season.
…maybe I need a hobby.
Filed under: for the love of shows are a bunch of crap | 2 Comments
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